Six Ways Principals Can Deal With Challenging Parents

When it comes to dealing with challenging parents, administrators quite often need to take a few steps back in order to determine best how to approach the situation. It's important to maintain a positive relationship with parents and support the staff at the same time.

EducationWorld has curated some strategies to help principals deal with unpredictable or demanding parents. These tips were gathered from three different experts. Todd Whitaker, professor of educational leadership at Indiana State University and author, in his article "Dealing with Difficult Parents," offers administrators a list of methods to deal with parents. The second source is Derrick Meador, school administrator and writer for About.com's education section. The third expert is Anthony VonBank, secondary educator and blogger for Clouducation. 

Here are six ways principals can deal with challenging parents:

1.     Listen: In Whitaker's section, "An Ear, Not an Answer," he encourages administrators to listen to their students' parents during a discussion.

"Even the most irate parents often want someone to listen to them more than they want someone to solve their problems," Whitaker said. "They may live in an environment where they feel no one listens. The structure of their workplace may not allow them to share their feelings, perspectives, or thoughts. And, honestly, many of the most challenging parents have children who probably don’t listen too well to them, either. Therefore, by conveying that they are on the parents’ side and are attempting to see things from their point of view, principals can calm parents down and build trust."

2.     Apologize: Whitaker also recommends in his article that principals or other administrators wait to have the "last word." This specific "word" is the time as the administrator to apologize for whatever the parent has an issue with. 

"This saying may be most applicable and effective in working with difficult parents," he said. "I have found that one of the best defusers in any situation is to apologize. However, the specific wording is important because it can help us calm the waters and yet retain our dignity. It is very difficult to say, “I was wrong.” It is even more difficult to say when it is not true. But there is one way we can approach all situations that will help satisfy even the most aggressive parents while allowing us to be honest, and that is to say, “I am sorry that happened.” This phrase is applicable in myriad situations. It is essential to adopt a sympathetic tone and manner when using this technique. Rudeness, arrogance, impatience, or sarcasm makes a bad situation worse."

3.     Be Proactive: School Administrator Derrik Meador said that he finds dealing with parents easier when he builds relationships with them before "a difficult situation arises."

"As a school administrator, it is essential for a number of reasons to build relationships with the parents of your students," he said. "If the parents are on your side, then you typically will be able to do your job more effectively. I personally go out of my way to talk with those parents who have had a history of being difficult. My goal is always to be friendly and personable and to show them that I genuinely have the best interest of all my students in each of my decisions. It isn’t the end all solution to deal with difficult parents, but it can help considerably."

4.     Be Prepared: As an administrator, it is important to be prepared for the "worst possible situation when an angry parent comes into your office," Meador said. 

"You will have parents who storm into your office cursing and screaming, and you have to handle it without getting emotionally wrapped around it," Meador said. "Anytime a parent comes into my office in this manner, I immediately ask them to leave. I explain that they are more than welcome to come back when they can have a calm conversation with me, but until then I will not talk to them."

5.     Use Language Carefully: Anthony VonBank, secondary education teacher and consultant suggests administrators use careful language when communicating with parents. He encourages principals to pause and consider their words carefully instead of getting defensive. "Ask questions like 'How much time do you think Sarah could realistically be working on school work at home? Are you comfortable helping Bobby with this subject?'"

"Parents are often overwhelmed, and never feel like they are doing enough, or are doing the right things to help their child," he said. "Many parents dread conferences because they feel as if it is a parental audit. Help them know that their role is to work with the school to find a best strategy, not bear the weight themselves."

6.     "Kill Them With Kindness." VonBank's last piece of advice is to "kill" parents "with kindness." 

"Pretend not to hear the insults. Interact with difficult parents often, and make them know that they will get a smile and a pleasant demeanor every time, regardless of how difficult they have been," VonBank said. "In fact, seek them out when possible. It makes parents uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of that sort of attention sometimes. Stay with it."

Article by Kassondra Granata, EducationWorld Contributor