Sometimes you wonder if its worth it to stay home with that sore throat that crept up on you the night before. Just getting ready for a substitute is at least double the work of getting ready for your own class. Even then, you never quite know whats going to happen. Of course, there are reliable substitute teachers who can manage any situation; and then there are the subs who dont quite know what theyre in for.
I recall my own experience as an eighth grader: Typically a model citizen, I had joined one day in the mischievous fun that had reduced a sub to tears. The next day, the dean of students came to have a talk with us. At one point, he turned to me and said, with evident disappointment, And you, too, Eric?" I was mortified. What had happened to me? What happens to students when they sense that a substitute is a bit green and gullible and can be reduced to whimpering? Surely, its material for a song!
Oh, the substitute is comin in today.
Its her first time and she hardly knows the way.
They will give her so much trouble; They may burst her little bubble, Like the last one who just left without her pay.
If shes wearin something funny when she comes,
Well, the kids will have her scoffing down her Tums.
They will make fun of her glasses;
They will probly pass some gasses,
And theyll find convenient places for their gum.
If she smiles and tries to be a friendly soul,
Her benevolence and cheer will take its toll.
They will chew a sub to pieces,
Just because she burps or sneezes.
When she finally breaks, theyll know theyve reached their goal.
Well, you wonder what these kids are all about.
And you wonder why a substitute brings out.
All the worst kinds of behavior;
All the headaches that they gave her --
Even from the kids that you would never doubt.
Oh, another sub is comin in today.
This ones tried and true, the kids wont get their way.
She will torment them in math and
She wont let them use the bathroom.
Shes a tyrant and she always has her say.
Well, its hardly worth the cost to miss a day.
Youll be cleaning up for days the disarray.
If youve got a little chill and
You are feeling rather ill, just
Bundle up and teach your darlings anyway.
Song lyrics Copyright© 2007 Eric Baylin