Effective Communication With Parents

Thanks to its partnership with publisher Eye on Education, EducationWorld is pleased to present this administrator advice based on the book Communicate and Motivate: The School Leader’s Guide to Effective Communication, by Shelly Arneson.

The book explains how school leaders can become successful communicators with teachers and parents by analyzing and planning conversations from the ground up. For parent-teacher conferences, Arneson suggests that school leaders hold separate pre-conferences with both parties to familiarize themselves with all sides of the issue and alleviate the fear of pre-existing biases.

Accordingly, hear what a panel of administrators had to say in response to the following question:

What lessons have you learned from parent-teacher conferences, what pitfalls have you learned to avoid, and what practices do you employ to aid successful communication?

Suggestions from Lolli Haws, Instructional Superintendent for Cluster 7, District of Columbia Public Schools, Washington, D.C.

• Listen more than you talk during a conference, especially at the fall conference. Give parents an opportunity to tell their child’s teacher everything they want the teacher to know.
• For each student, prepare two or three bullet points or messages for the conference discussion, with at least the first one being a very strong positive statement that demonstrates that you know their child well. This helps a teacher think through what s/he needs to say during those short, time-limited conferences in a succinct way, with priority allotted to the key messages and assurance that parents heard something good about their child.
• Remember that parents will listen closely to the teacher’s words. For days after, the conference will probably replay again and again in their mind or with their spouse or with their child. Therefore, choose your words carefully and thoughtfully. Avoid overstating things:  "He ALWAYS..."  "She NEVER..."  "He hates..." Don’t use vague words that are value-laden and open to interpretation: lazy, shy, behind, above average, very smart, slow, difficult, too social, etc. Instead, say specifically what you mean: "He lacks enthusiasm, engagement and energy when it is time to work independently," "She is often reluctant to speak to others and stays to herself in social settings," "His reading skills are about 12 months below where we like to see our second-graders reading at this time of year," etc.
• When talking about behavior concerns, describe the behavior in terms of frequency, intensity, and duration: "At least once a day, she is off task and talking to friends for as long as five minutes if I don’t re-direct her firmly." Specificity helps parents get a true picture rather than simply hearing, "She’s not doing her work."
   

Suggestions from Teresa Tulipana, Principal, Renner Elementary, Kansas City, MO

• During parent-teacher conferences, it is easy for both parties to become defensive. Conflicting opinions and perspectives can lead to unproductive conversation rather than solutions or resolution. A few years ago I attended training on customer service. This training completely changed my approach to facilitating parent-teacher conferences.  
• The acronym LAST sums up this highly effective approach to conferencing with parents: Listen, Apologize, Solve, and Thank. When conferring with a parent, especially a dissatisfied parent, it is important to listen quietly as s/he shares a concern. Teaching staff to not interrupt can be powerful and can avoid the pitfall of the parent not feeling heard. Yes, it can be a challenge to listen quietly when being attacked or when misinformation is being shared, but listening patiently and quietly without interruption is paramount. 
• After listening, I encourage teachers to apologize. Many people struggle with making apologies – especially when they feel they’ve done nothing wrong. But remember, we are not necessarily apologizing for our actions, but rather because of how the parent feels or what happened. For example, "I’m sorry this happened" or "I’m sorry you feel that way." 
• Listening and apologizing are the two hardest steps to a productive meeting with a dissatisfied parent. These steps can feel counterintuitive; however, they set the tone for the final two steps of offering a solution and thanking the parent for their time.  
• When you follow these four easy steps, any parent-teacher conference can be successful. More importantly, LAST helps to avoid the pitfalls of becoming defensive, not fully understanding the issue, and jeopardizing your partnership with the parent.
   

Suggestions from David Ellena, Principal, Tomahawk Creek Middle School, Midlothian, VA

• Parent-teacher conferences can be tricky when there are agendas on either side that are not readily known. One of the things that I have stressed with teachers is to make sure that the conference is student-centered. We try to focus on where the student is academically, what issues the teacher is seeing from a behavior standpoint and what the child and parents can do to help the situation. We attempt to keep it professional and not personal.
• The trick becomes when the parent wants to make it about what the teacher is doing and not what the child needs to do. We try to emphasize the responsibilities of the student in these conferences. Sometimes it is in fact a teacher issue and when this occurs, administrators must try and handle those situations in private, and in a manner that does not place the teacher in a bad position. If it becomes an issue repeatedly, the administrator should sit in on the conference with parents and try to make sure that everyone is on the same page and is united in trying to do what is best for the student.

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