Next Season on Survivor

This essay has been making its way around the Internet, so it is difficult to pinpoint its original source. It sounds like it was written by a teacher, but what teacher would ever have time to spare to write it? Hmmm�

Have you heard about the plans for a new season of the Survivor TV show?

Next season, three businessmen and three businesswomen will be dropped into an elementary school classroom for an entire school year. The business people will be provided with a copy of their school district's curriculum and a class of between 28 and 32 students. Each class will have a minimum of five learning-challenged children, three children with ADHD, one gifted child, and two who speak limited English. Three students will be labeled with behavior issues�

Each businessperson must complete lesson plans at least 3 days in advance with annotations for curriculum objectives and modify, organize, or create materials accordingly. They will be required to teach students, handle misconduct, implement technology, document attendance, write referrals, correct homework, make bulletin boards, compute grades, complete report cards, document benchmarks, communicate with parents, and arrange parent conferences. They must also supervise recess and monitor the hallways.

In addition, they will complete drills for fire, tornados, and shooting attacks. They must attend workshops, (100 hours), faculty meetings, union meetings, and curriculum development meetings. They must also tutor those students who are behind and strive to get their 2 non-English speaking children proficient enough to take the Terra Nova and EPA tests. Each day they must incorporate reading, writing, math, science, and social studies into the program. They must maintain discipline and provide an educationally stimulating environment at all times.

If they are sick or having a bad day, they must not let it show.

The businesspeople will only have access to the golf course on the weekends, but on their new salary they will not be able to afford it anyway. There will be no access to vendors who want to take them out to lunch, and lunch will be limited to 30 minutes. On days when they do not have recess duty, the businesspeople will be permitted to use the staff restroom as long as another survival candidate is supervising their class.

They will be provided with two 40-minute planning periods per week while their students are at specials. If the copier is operable, they may make copies of necessary materials at this time.

The businesspeople must continually advance their education on their own time and pay for this advanced training themselves. This can be accomplished by moonlighting at a second job or marrying someone with money.

The winner of next season's Survivor series will be allowed to return to the job from which he or she came.

Pass this to your friends who think teaching is easy and to the ones who know it is hard. They will both benefit.